A (long) update on Elizabeth...

First, let me say THANK YOU for all of your comments!!  The first thing we do each morning is run to see the wonderful things you all have to say.  Every comment, and I’m serious, every comment, makes me cry.  Thank you!  The connection to all of you is SO comforting! 

I can’t believe we’ve only had Elizabeth for 4 ½ days.  It seems like she’s been with us forever.  The days pass quickly and being with her has been incredibly touching … sometimes our hearts ache for what she may have gone through, sometimes the results we see of her being in an orphanage make us smile and laugh.  We continually swap funny baby daughter stories and parenting advice with the other families in the group, which by the way has been beyond fantastic.   The families we are with are amazing!  I am so humbled to be part of this group.   I cannot imagine doing this alone nor can I imagine never seeing these people again once we go home.  They have touched our hearts forever.  I think 5 of the 19 families with us are from St. Louis, the rest are spread out across the country.  This makes me sad. 

We are told that usually the babies share cribs and we know for certain some didn’t as it was written on their paperwork.  The babies are finding their crib-mates as their parents connect. Two babies who were in the arms of their parents on the second day actually reached out for each other and hugged.  So cute!  The connections that God has shown us through all of this are beyond meaningful.

We were not allowed to visit the orphanage nor were we allowed to speak to any of the nannies.  Some of the nannies brought the babies to us for the first time in the hotel but left right away.  I’m sure to get back to the orphanage and the rest of the children.   Two women and the male orphanage director (the man who first handed her to me) did stay around to collect donations from us and to answer some generic questions about how the babies were cared for.  But some of us found out very quickly these three didn’t really know our daughters.  I approached one to ask her a few things and she didn’t even know Elizabeth’s Chinese name.  Based on this and Elizabeth’s response to her at that moment, I moved on.  I’m just going to trust that Elizabeth and God will somehow show us what we need to know about her life in the orphanage. 

And this is happening … Two days ago Elizabeth refused to take her bottle.  I could do nothing to get her to take it but at the same time I could tell that she wanted to drink it.  I tried everything, different temperatures, different nipples.  Finally I gave up figuring that it was just part of her adjusting to us and eventually she’d come around.  Well, we were getting ready to go out that night, so I put her in the stroller and put a bottle in the stroller next to her, really just to have a place to hold it.  The next time I looked at her she had picked up the bottle and was drinking it… but she was sucking on the nipple like it was a straw and holding the bottle upright.  And, she was so proud of herself!  The look she gave me with that nipple hanging out of her mouth was priceless.    So we guess that’s how she took her bottle in the orphanage and so that’s how she’s been taking it for us!   (BTW, she drank that one, reached up for another and has been slamming them ever since!)        

Overall, we think the orphanage took good care of her and we’re so thankful that this system of caring for abandoned children exists.   She seems to be very healthy.  She had none of the common health consequences we’ve read about that result from living in an orphanage, like infections, scabies, lice or parasites (that we know of).  She doesn’t even have a runny nose.  She’s 10 months old and she’s wearing 9-month old clothes and some bigger.  And she’s heavy.  But we haven’t weighed her yet.  The biggest side affects we see now are the back of her head is very flat from lying on her back in her crib so much and many of her muscles are underdeveloped. 

She doesn’t move when she sleeps (this is so wild) but she sleeps well.  (Praise God!!)  She doesn’t roll at all and all the muscles that it takes to roll are underdeveloped as are her stomach muscles.  She absolutely hates to be on her stomach and her reaction when we put her there appears to be one of fear.  So we’re moving slowly.  She could barely sit up the first day… but now she sits and balances so well she’s begun to reach out and try to grab things.   Her fine motor skills were also underdeveloped.  She couldn’t pick up the equivalent of a cheerio and feed herself on the first day.  She’s doing better with this as well. 

We also doubt that she had stood on her legs very much, if at all, in the orphanage.   She was afraid of this at first.  But then I took off her shoes and stood her on a cool mat on the floor.  I wish you could have seen her response, it was so cute!  She looked down at her feet, then looked up at me, smiled and then picked one up, looked at it again, and then tried to explore it further in her mouth!  I think it was the first time she found her feet!  We’re working on all of this slowly … getting her to sleep on her side, helping her learn to roll over, helping her put weight on her legs, and giving her time on her tummy.  

She is an amazingly content baby. (You all guessed this right from the pictures!)  Her peaceful demeanor reminds me of Jimmy when he was a baby … Remember him?  He would just sit on the floor and smile.  She does the same.   But we also suspect that this may have kept her in her crib on her back a lot longer than preferred.   We’re not sure if this happened in her orphanage, but we were told that some babies in orphanages spend as many as 22 hours a day in their cribs.  Her head and lack of muscle development do support this.  But some of the babies in our group are almost walking, so who knows. 

Elizabeth doesn’t do much crying at all.  She doesn’t even wake up crying.  She does have trouble falling asleep at night and cries then.  She appears to be looking for something, like she had a blanket or something to soothe herself to sleep in the orphanage.  This really makes us sad.  But we’re trying to help her through this transition as best we can and replace whatever that was, with our love for her.  It appears to be working.

Another amazing thing though is how curious she is.  She came to us this way, so the orphanage did a good job here too.   She reminds me of the rest of our kids.  They wanted to explore everything and so does she.  The Chinese people are so funny with us.   As you saw in the pictures, they gather in large crowds around us.  Chinese people are not shy.  They all have comments.  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately sometimes) we can’t understand what they are saying.  We do get the gist of it though as some of us can make out a few words and through hand signals we almost always understand.  We also can tell from the looks on their faces whether or not they approve.  Most do.  Many comment on Elizabeth’s head.  One shop owner said “Big head. Big brain!”  Too Funny!  One told us: “Large head. Very intelligence!”  We’ll see.  One even compared her to Chairman Mao - the esteemed man who started the People’s Republic of China.  He too has a big head!  She even ran and got a picture of him to show us.  She said, “See, see, big head!”   But then again, one person told us as we were leaving: “See you!  Have a nice ham!.”   So we’re not really sure what they are telling us.”   

All in all it is a different world here.  We’re enjoying our time, especially the honest reactions we get from people, mostly regarding the babies and Anne Marie.  They are very kind to us, they always attempt to speak English to us and they really work hard.  It is something!  You go into a store and there are always 2, 3 and sometimes even 4 people following you around ready to help you.  And at dinner, you drop your chop stick, someone runs over to pick it up.  You pour yourself the last bit of soda, someone runs over with another bottle.  It is amazing. 

Well I better go.  We’re off to dinner.  We are all really enjoying the Chinese food for the most part.  This is a true growth experience for the kids!   We’ll talk to you tomorrow and look forward to your comments.  See you!  Have a nice ham!